Run This Town

Okay...so I'll try to recap my first week in California in as much detail as possible because...there have been some funny, horrific, and uncomfortable situations.

Any "rhymes with" is to protect the individual : ) Plus, don't get all bookworm on me if there are typos...now enjoy...

First things first. I fly into Fresno, drive to my hotel and arrive around 11p, so I'm pretty tired. I go to the counter to check into my room and the hotel worker is someone who has not been blessed with what the world would call "good looks." He looks like a combination of John Candy and John Goodman. If you don't know...google them. Okay..so I'm thinking "I'm going to be nice to this guy because he's going to see that good-looking people are nice too" :) (I wish I could see all your faces when you read that...) HOWEVER, he turns out to be an individual where you give him an inch and he takes a mile.
He starts out by saying the usual "S-s-sorry for the wait." (He has a tiny stutter when he gets excited)
"oh, no problem," I reply.
"I usually don't work now. I mean, I do...but not this night." Did I mention he has a lazy/glass eye?
"oh really?" (Just something you say right?)
"Yah. I have one, two, three, four, five, six, seven more people including yourself to check in tonight," which he says while his finger is pointing to the screen.
"Wow....that's a lot of people, " (again I'm just being nice)
"What's the name?"
"Uh, Lindsey. L-I-N-D-S-E-Y."
"oh, I didn't think you would be the one who was 'Lindsey'.... but that's all I'm going to say because I don't want you coming back here and punching my lights out"
- I'm flattered to hear he thinks I could take him down but...WHAT? It's my last name. Is he calling me some type of feminite by that comment?
"Okay, you've requested a king size bed with wheelchair access."
I sort of chuckle because I just booked it quickly on priceline and didn't even notice it was a handicapped room. I say "Yah, I guess so."
Someone else walks into the hotel and is behind me. They can hear everything now.
"Well, you requested it."
"Okay."
"I don't ask questions. Whatever you're in to."
WHATTT?!?!?! who says that?!?!? "Whatever I'm in to" plus there's someone behind me. I'm really annoyed right now. So I do the classic pull out my phone and start scrolling aimlessly so he can see that I'm a very busy person, I want my key, and he should stop talking to me.
He gives me the key, debriefs me on how to get to my room and I ask "What's the wireless code for Wifi?"
"I don't know the code. That's the honest truth. I knew it and then they changed it about a week ago. The person who knows the code is working tomorrow morning at 6a and they would know it. I don't really want to call her now and find out because she's working at 6a and it would be like, you know, 'suicide by management.'"
I'm thinking "I DON"T CARE. YOU CALL THEM and GET MY CODE!" But I gave him a dissatisfied look and took my stuff because I did not want to deal with this man any more.
It turned out you don't need a code for that wireless and I went to my handicapped room, which really just meant that the bathroom was big enough to hold Cher and David Anderson's personal wardrobes. Plus, the bathroom flooded any time I bathed myself because there were no bath walls to contain the water. I can't say I'll be staying at a Best Western in Idaho...

Tuesday...the only thing to mention during this day is my encounter with Timothy from CBU. So...we all know Tim for various reasons right? I decide to use the restroom before the fair which I never do and as I'm walking out, Tim walks in and we do this awkward "Whoa thing" were he says "What's up man?" and I blurt out "Hey Tim..."

Why is this a fopaw...I think you know. I know for a fact that he doesn't know my name and here's the weirdo Corban rep who knows his name. Hopefully this doesn't ruin our relationship.

Wednesday, I went to, rhymes with "Balinas", High school which was straight up ghetto. I felt like I was walking into the set of the music video "How We Do" by "Fiddy" and "the Game". Thier were latino kids who looked like they were forty and had one thing on thier mind...taking out a caucasian who appears rich because of his tie and style : ) Then I went to another High school where I met, let's call him Demitri. Demitri is a hispanic man with a very soft-spoken voice. I don't want to judge a book by its cover; however, you know when you see Kurt from Glee and you're like..."I don't wanna judge but he is definitely not asking any girls out on dates..." I got the same vibe from Demitri. Maybe it was his manerisms. Maybe it was his sweater vest. But, I was excited to meet him because he knew I was with a Christian school and I made it my job to show him a ton of respect, talk with him, look him in the eyes, and be as friendly as I could because he was great at his job and I wanted him to know that if he does practice an alternative lifestyle, he is still important, respected, and has something to offer. I felt like I was being an ambassador for Christianity and I'm hoping I helped his perception of us just a little.

Before I got to Monterey, I saw classic California. There's a skateboarder who skates into an intersection. A lexus didn't see him coming. There's an accident averted but everyone wants to chime in to set the record straight on who's fault it really is. The skateboarder yells "What the 'FANCY' are you doing?" And then he proceeds to walk towards the car.
Instead of driving away (which is what I would do), the driver rolls down his window and says, "You need to 'FANCY' watch your back or I'm going to 'FANCY' you up." The exchange a couple more 'FANCY's' and then they carry on. That is why I love the Northwest!

Oh my goodness...I nearly had a heart attack at, rhymes with Ponterey, HS. Know why? Because I LOST MY PHONE! I tore through my car, my bags, and I was through the roof in anxiety. I kept praying, praying, and praying. The counselor decided to help me which was a huge blessing too. We took two trips back to the classroom where I presented and back to the car. She actually gave me her phone to call my phone around my car to see if it's there and then God decided to let me find it, which I haven't stopped thanking Him for. It was in the counseling office. One of the counselors had it...long story.

Another funny story about "Ponterey" High is there was this boy lets call Manny. He is 15, a fresman, looks like Manny from "Modern Family", and had so many questions about Corban for me. After my visit was done, I talked with him for about 30-40 minutes about everything. Here's how it went...
"So should I go to Annapolis or Corban?"
What?!?! They're completely different! Not just college different but goal different. It's like asking should I buy a tractor or an airplane...they have different purposes.
"How are the dorms set up?"
"What do you mean?"
"What do the blueprints look like?"
But this one's the best...

"What are the 'in-sex' like?"
My mind is thinking, WHAT?!?!?! How am I going to clarify with him? Is this another type of orientation that I don't know about? And just about when I was going to clarify and try to tackle this question about morality the Holy Spirit grabbed my brain and told me..."What are the insects like?" Like Bugs! Whew! I was not ready to talk with a 15 year old about how God intended marriage and yada yada yada.
Oh...and I told him "Uhm the insects are average size."
"Good...nothing a NERF gun can't take care."
Oh...he's so adorable...still playing with NERF at 15.

On to Thursday....I drove a ton the past couple days. OH! guess what car I have? I have a Mazda3 and it's awesome! I've filled up for gas almost every day though...not really...but it feels like it. At one of my visits at a Christian school, I was meeting with a couple students and I said "at Corban, you must be a bible-believing Christian..." and the girl actually rolled her eyes, shrugged her shoulders and looked at the counselor.

Do you ever feel like when you say "you have to be a Christian to attend" it's like you just said something about the "birds and the bees." It automatically gets uncomfortable, and the students generally look down for a second, smile, and maybe even giggle. I've noticed a paralled between these subjects. Leah tells me "IT's Guilt! The feel guilty!" which she accompanies with a "MmmHmm" and finger snap much like me UPN Queen "Moesha."

My drop offs have gone well....however, they always look like I have an explosive device. Instead of being happy I brought them some cookies...they always look at me like "why are you bringing me cookies?"...but nothing a big 'ole smile can't take care of : )

Today, I almost got in an accident, but the LORD kept me safe! We were travelling at 75-80 MPH and then we suddenly stopped because there was a car facing us full of golf carts on the freeway...weird. So I slammed on my brakes and went to my right, where another car was in my blindspot so I thought I was good to go over, but the two of us sort of did a dance to avoid each other and I travelled a few feet between two lanes before I was completely stopped and no one hit each other...it was a miracle...which also reminded me it doesn't matter if I'm five minutes late. That's better than being in an accident which will make me even later.

Today, Friday, I definitely felt the love from a couple counselors...both women I might add... : ) I like to think I have quite a way with 50s and up women...they eat me up! Sort of kidding. One of them told me I was great at my job...no big deal...and then one of them said "Look at you!" when I walked in and the bantar quickly ensued. She also said that our standing display was "Cute."

Also today, when I had to kill about an hour of time...I mosied into a Blockbuster...which if you know me...can be a very dangerous thing. I'm ashamed to say...yet uber excited to say...I walked out with 7 movies!!! With an average price of $5.65 per movie! It was a steal! In case you're wondering, I bought them on Corban...I thought that's the least they could do for sending me to California :) Psyche! Just kidding! That was mainly to see if Heidi would think I was serious or if she knows me well enough to know I have impeccable responsibility traits. I know how Courtney would respond... "I feel like....maybe that's not the best use of our funds." : ) Miss you guys! Hope you have as much fun reading it as I did reliving it! Have a great weekend, can't wait to see you back in the office!

I didn't mention Cara, Beau, Callie, Katy, Jared, or Sarah in this blog and all of you are important so here's a mention of you from me to you.

Jared, thanks for being the godfather of blog. It's safe to say without your love and support I would have never used this as an emotional outlet.

I talked with Cara today. She thinks she's cool because she talked with someone who said they were in a movie. Only time will tell if this is a shining moment in her life or if it is an embarrassing moment.

I just heard back from Beau today. He's still alive, but part of my wonders if he remembered he needs to do school visits or if he's just been camping all week in Montana : ) Love you BEAU!

Callie....she always calls me "Lindsey" in emails. I'm wondering if she knows my first name.

Katy has been the best communicator on this trip. I've gotten a text from her every other day. Have fun in San Fran tomorrow!

Sarah...HI!

Oh and Jared/Sarah tell Anita/Lois hello.

Now, I'm going to eat and see if I can figure out the ipad a little more!