52 White Hairs

Granted, it is only a rough estimate, and I can't even see the back of my head, but I have at least 52 white hairs on my little head. That brings several thoughts to mind:

1. Ha! I'm an old man at 1/4 century old. So funny.
2. Mom & Dad must've been right a few years ago when they said I was like an 80-year-old in an 18-year-old's body.
3. I'm dying early.
4. I'll be the next Steve Martin!
5. God must give some people a more youthful body than others. Some people don't seem to age!
6. I'm more wise than most at my age.
7. ...Meh...

But there is one thought that this reflection has really caused me to think about. Perhaps it is the nature of my scantily scheduled trip in Southern Oregon, combined with the recent conversations with loved ones regarding, worth, work, and worry. Whatever the reason, I do not find it coincidental that God has compassionately convicted me once again.

"Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head [be they red, black, brown, blond, or white] are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." ~Luke 12:6-7

My God first speaks of my worth. It does not come from my success, my kindness, my sacrifices, my efforts, or even my self-abuse as a means of justifying my unworthiness. My worth comes simply because God knows how many white hairs I have on my head. Nothing of my own merit warrants this value, but that God has created me and established me as more valuable than any one of His other creations...Do I really believe that? I think I do, but I know I don't deserve it so I am tempted to push it away, favoring my own success as a means of worthiness. And if I can't do anything about my circumstances certainly worrying about it or wading in frustration and self-disapproval should raise me out of the mire?

"...Therefore, I tell you, do not worry about your life...Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?" ~Luke 12:22, 25-26

I am commanded not to worry. And so, by breaking that command, I am sinning against the One who has promised to take care of every "single hour" of my life. Do we honestly acknowledge our worrying as a sin? For indeed, if I cannot trust God with the outcome of the events in a single day of my life I am essentially saying, "God, I cannot believe You to be telling me the truth. You say You will direct my every step, You will provide my every need, but frankly, I can see the circumstances, and it doesn't look like you're coming through. You are not enough for me to depend on, so I will mull over these situations that are now out of my control and, by fretting about them, somehow gain a level of control over what I cannot grasp. Sorry Lord; I don't trust You to be faithful."

...I am convinced I have far too shallow of a view of my astounding King. And I have been a servant of His for 17 years! I am blessed by those around me who see the worth in me that my Majesty sees. May I see that same worth more and more, surrendering everything that I am tempted to so foolishly and helplessly control to the Hair Counter. And who knows, maybe I'll even look in the mirror someday and see fewer white hairs.

"I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, most of which never happened." ~Anonymous

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." ~Proverbs 3:5-6